Addiction

I killed myself with addiction
I murdered my sweet soul
with poisons of man
Cigarettes and Firewater
Meth and Marijuana
Caffiene to wake up from it all
The Hell I created
The torturous cell from which I cannot escape
I killed myself with addiction
Murdered my sweet soul
A black hole
where my love of life
once was
You can laugh at me now
Call me weak
But the truth is
My sweet demon will choke the life out of you
You'll see the blackout demon
and he will eat your soul
So before you laugh
take a good look into that soul
cuz Im betting its just another black hole

Nederland April 2009 Blizzard

A lil video I put together of the blizzard through my eyes.

Nederland CO, April 2009 blizzard
Uploaded by ParadigmCrime

A bit of poetry

Network packets dropping like raindrops on my bus top
Sick and tired, cold and alone
Trying to write this thought
Hibernation in the blankets keep me warm
Healing strength, the downtime is necessary
I await my survivalist materials
Even in the trees, in a cold cold bus
As my packets drop I'm ready to bust
I can still order with my plastic
A heater to keep me warm
A Radiator to drive my jeep
and some boots for my cold cold feet
A cough of some colored phlegm
A rain drop almost freezing to tree stems
The snow is coming the mountain tops show
Glowing white with blowing snow
Winter is cold and Harsh
Summer was warm with life
Wild berries in the summer
Isolated footprints in the depths of snow
My mind wanders, feverish with sickness
My head spins in eloquent turbulence
All I have is this bus
With network packets dropping like raindrops on my rooftop

Well shit howdy! Welcome Change.

Sometimes you pray for change, and it doesnt come right away. Then there it is, in your face unexpected, even forced. Best just to embrace it, and remember why you wanted it in the first place. Talking of change on a personal level, its a JOKE to think that you're gonna change anything in this election. Change is monumental, shifting, and huge, its not the color of skin. Thats just the same pile of shit in different clothes. One things for sure, my world is going to change, dramatically so, but it wont be because of who I voted for.

What is "THE QUESTION"?

The Question is what the answer asked itself.

Mind, Heart, and Spirit

People who think with their hearts. While they may think this is noble, this is not what the heart is for. The heart is for feeling, the heart is for life, the heart is passion, and love. Even as an organ, it is what keeps us alive. For the mind cannot think, if the heart isnt pumping. There is a positive message in that.

Example: Someone who thinks with their heart, ends up in a world of illogical delusional states of existance. They may end up hurt over and over again, in love and friends. While they love their friends, family, and others. They use their heart to analyze a situation that requires their mind. It requires intelligence. Another example would be those who reject advancement, they reject science, thought, and intelligence. Why? Because they think with their heart not their mind!

As for our minds, we shouldnt use our minds for feeling, we shouldnt use our minds for loving. The mind is not our emotional center. Our minds help us make sense of this all, they help us bring it all together. The mind does not sustane our life, but without it, we are a foolish illogical slave, to our emotions. We should actively use our minds. We should think, analyse, and understand. Our mind will show us intelligent choices to make, especially when helping us not make the same mistakes.

Example: Someone who only uses their mind, and ignores their heart. Will use their mind for feeling, love, passion, living. What happens when you do this? You dont feel for others, you dont consider anything, other than the very simplistic goals that you may have. You might drill for oil destroying habitats. You might use your power to steal from others. You sell unsafe products, put small familys out of business, and avoid responsibility at all costs. You could start wars, for your own goals, because... you do not feel. you cannot feel with your mind, anymore than your heart can think.

Together, with our heart and mind, we can focus on being a human. All the wonderfull things that involve our minds and hearts working together. Spirituality, Philosophy, Compassion, but with logic, not some crude running around feeling everything everyone wants us to feel.

You might disagree, but I doubt you can give me a good reason you THOUGHT of to disagree. Tell me why we should feel with our minds, or think with our hearts. You will not be able to do so without creating a conundrum.

Energy... Food.. and microwaves

They don't think for themselves. They don't listen to each other at all, and don't try and communicate.

Now I'm not saying all of them, just most of them. If you want a good 'sample' inside the minds of these morons, take a quick look through freerepublic.com or democraticunderground. The mindless vitriol, ignorance, and just plain stupidity runs rampent.

I've mentioned this before, but again today, I was researching a few topics about Solar Power. I was at freerepublic, and found a few articles. Some were direct factually inaccurate attacks on Solar Power. Then some of the comments that followed were just mindblowingly STUPID.

LOOK, I know conservatives don't give a shit about the environment, in fact, they don't believe anything bad is happening at all to the environment. Everythings great, that cloud of smog? Its good for you! Oh you don't belive us? and you want to put up solar panels! LIBTARD!@!!

yah.. ok whatever. I've lived in big cities, deserts, mountains, and even islands. I fucking notice a difference in air quality and how it effects us and the planet. Phoenix smog and overabundance of paved desert creating a hotplate so hot, that rain storms go AROUND the city due to the heat. The smog sucks, and it just gets hotter and hotter. Or how about Denver and its massive light pollution, so bad that on a cloudy night it bounces all the way to Nederland.

I aint no liberal, but I aint no fucking retard either. We have an effect. The real debate is how much of an effect. Also, why shouldn't we make efforts to pollute less? WHY?! Because its what liberals do? Cuz its for wussies? thats fucking RETARDED

I mean these idiots over at freerepublic are just against ANYthing that is ecofriendly. EVEN if it means their own independence. WHY? Because 'libtards' promote it, so you're against it? Thats ASSININE! Thats as ASSININE as liberals, who are against nuclear energy, simply because its nuclear! Nuclear energy is clean efficient energy. Yes, there is a chance for meltdown, but their's a chance hell might freeze over too. Plus new plants are even more efficent than olds ones, and burn waste from old plants!

So I mean you see what I'm saying right? If your a liberal, why be against Nuclear energy, why not research a bit, and make an informed decision, instead of listening to talking points.

And... if your a conservative. Why shoot down wind/solar/etc energy? THERE IS NO REASON to not do it! I mean jesus chirst people... It only means our OWN independence. I used to think thats something liberals and conservatives alike could get on board with!!!

Another example... Conservatives who are against healthy food, certified organic, hormone free, etc. WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU BE AGAINST THIS?! ARE YOU STUPID!?

And to pick on the liberals again. This one personally drives me insane... being against microwaves. More than half of my friends refuse to use a microwave. FOR NO FUCKING REASON WHATSOEVER! They just think its bad, for no reason! They think IM crazy to use one. Jesus fucking christ!!! WTF is this world coming too.

I wish people would take time to educate themselves. However people who hold these assinine views are almost entirely ignorant on the subjects they are talking about. If anything they resort to insults, or regurgitated talking points.

thankyoucomeagain

Balance

My only quest in life is to seek Balance. To bring Balance, to show balance, to BE Balance. Fellow travelers on the road, never give up. Continue forward, to matter how hard it hurts, no matter how many bones are broken. No matter your mind heart or body pains. Your spirit calls you to seek Balance. We are climbing this mountain together, we are here together. Bloody and broken, I will reach the top. Regardless of the world around me. My journey will not end until I am there. Until I can show you myself, so you can see me in the light, in the darkness, in everything, and nothing.

I dont care what you think, I only care THAT you THINK!

A message from Cho Seung-Hui

"You had everything you wanted. Your Mercedes wasn't enough, you brats. Your golden necklaces weren't enough, you snobs. Your trust fund wasn't enough. Your vodka and cognac weren't enough. All your debaucheries weren't enough. Those weren't enough to fulfill your hedonistic needs. You had everything,"

His other writings are similar. Cho was a very intelligent person, who felt the pain of this world. He resorted to killing others and himself.

Experience

Taking this blog on a different turn now. My goal when I started was to reduce how many times "I" or self-reference was made while getting my message across. It has been slow progress as the dates between posts. However in life, I have made much progress. I needed to lose myself to the world and experiences for a minute. Experience has shown... Simply, I AM. However I am an individual experience. I can only relate to the world, through which my experiences have been. I am my experiences. I am part of the greater WHOLE. We are all one, yes. I let myself go to that flow. I haven't made many personal references to my life in this blog, so not much is known. However I have traveled with the flow of the Universe for the past two years. I let it take me where the wind was going. I let it flow through my entire being. Life is certainly different from when this blog was started. It was good practice and healing. This blog will keep a few concepts, but not be strict. I will focus on experience with the Universe, interaction with other beings. It wont be daily, but it will be times when I am inspired to write anything. A view point from my part of the whole. I doubt many people have read this blog, but it is none-the-less a place for me to express. I welcome thoughts or comments.

Simply, I AM

Change

Conqure struggle
Make your way
Change today

Take the energy
Spin it around
Change the way your life sounds

Slide on in
Take it on a whim
Change from within

Be who you are
Be who you must
Change or Bust

To continue to grow
Continue to feel
Change and heal

To your end, and from the begining
Change yourself, and the willing

Pulsating

Expanding time
Slipping space
Exploding rat race
Blow up in our face
Move on up
Move on out
Dig this shit
Get on out

Go on, never end
Time has just began
Trippin mind
Expanding time
Slipping space
Blowing mind

Where's it going
Follow the rhythm
Seek it out
Feel around

Energy pulsating
Got to extract that power
Power to get
Power to receive
Trust the universe
You will see

Place our hearts
Place our minds
Spirit body heart mind
Connect with it
Feel it go
Pulsing your brain
Sounds in space
Traveling time
Its gone work out
Just in time

Translate this for all to see
Cant understand it
Just let it be
Its comin for you
Gonna get you
Track you down
Feel this rhythm
In our mind
Power behind
White light
Darkness abound
Get around it
Let it flow on down
Engulfing mind
Engulfing sound
Energy pulsating all around

Love

Power of being, power of being in love, and not limited. That magic we share with a person or persons. The secret magic deep within eachothers spirits. Take a look at who you share it with, and learn something about ourselves. Our hearts are big, and the magic in our spirits, that magic is very powerfull, alluring, and can evenlead us astray. Often it can teach us lessons about ourselves and eachother. Learn from it, and understand who you are. The magic in our spirits is meant to be shared, with who is up to you. Where does it flow, and who does it flow too? Are you hurt when the magic is not returned, or hurt when it is taken away after having a taste.



I AM, love, hate, anger, creation, destruction, sex, god, everything and nothing

Incidental

Our existance is mearly incidental, but our justification keeps us going.

Mindless

The mindless babble that runs
The insidious chatter that funds
Desires that feed our sicknesses
Stop praying for things we think we need
Make our goals to find our souls
The pain of nothing inside
The shame of everything we put on the outside
Discover the sickness that eats you away
Cut it out of you before its too late
The downfall of our inane
Eats our souls and contaminates our brains
Sickening display of mindless brains
Society eating itself
Chewing its flesh
Hating its soul
Never being bold
Lacking its individualism lost in the words
Cant get them out of our heads
Feeding our dead babys inside our heads
The nothing eating
The blathering needing
The love is gone
The hate becomes
Emptyness
Its there
Inside of you
Put something there
Stop thinking of what to wear
Find your purpose
Fill your nothing
Becoming your something
Perception of the endless
Desire the meaning
The knowledge
End of mindless brains

Phenomenon

The "MY" Phenomenon:



So here is an intresting Phenomenon that started to take place in 1995. Call it "The My Phenomenon". Ever notice all the companies named "My ______" how many webpages say "My ______" on them. My My My, it goes on forever. It isnt just limited to the internet either, althogh it originally came from the computer industry. Now days, everything is prefexed by "My", there is even a radio station in sandiego called "My 94.1". Its everywhere and all consuming. Perhaps its just corporations reflecting and marketing to the "Mine" generations. MINE MINE MINE, its all MINE. My Yahoo, My Space, My Internet, My Email, My MTV, My Everything... this phenomenon knows no limits to the "Americanized" world (yes that includes all your Europeans/canucks/etc who think you are not Americanized). Shouldnt we find this attitude revolting? Where is the "OUR" "WE" "US" etc..? Instead its all "MINE MINE MINE". Its almost as sickening as how much we write "I" When we are writing or talking. Its beyond individualism, its self-absorbing, super-individualism, but at the same time everyones busy trying to be an "I" they are becoming consumed by the "My Phenomenon". Selling their souls to the corporate masters of "My". Reclaim your EYES, become your "I AM", dont get absorbed by the "My Culture"... My Computer, My Corporate Masters... Victims of marketing, or just too lazy to think for ourselves? For reference, if you can remember before 1995 how many companies or webpages had "My" in them, how many slogans had "My" in them, you would see this is not a paranoid delusion, but a real phenomenon, its happening. We've watched it grow, and turned a strange blind third eye to it. For reference, it all started with a little icon named "My Computer" in '95 put out by a company named "Microsoft"... or should we say "Mycrosoft"



BOW DOWN CORPORATE WHORES



Mycrosoft MYCROSOFT MY CRO SOFT!

Paradigm

Nostalgia is not happiness it is a marketing gimmick
Uncle Sam is not your protector he is your rapist
Patriotism is a virus that causes you to defend corruption
There is no good government other than the spirit that governs you
(Listen to it)
The application of technology is evil, not the technology itself
(Who controls it?)
(Not the people)
Only 6 payments a month, 6 months a year, for 6 years, of $6.66 to purchase!
(Your Soul)
Listen not to the television but to the truth
No side is right, and no side is left, but both are on the side of evil
(Shame on leaders for leading you like lemmings)
Leaving to Canada, Europe, or anywhere else is not better
(They are all the same)
(They will never change)
Change will only happen through revolution
Revolution is our only means left for evolution
Change now before its too late
(We can change our fate)
You dont need TV... TV NEEDS YOU
Reality TV is not fame, it is our greatest shame
Shame on Governments,
Shame on Corporations,
Same on Hollywood....
..conservatives,
liberals,
heterosexuals,
homosexuals,
homophobes,
forbes,
dotcom,
The Rich,
The Poor,
Shame on You....& Me
We need to change
Not a little,
Not a bit,
But a whole Paradigm Shift

Thoughts

Too many thoughts in our heads
Too many thoughts to go to bed
Too many thoughts to be read
...Listen to the voices in our heads.

Fog

Thick fog rolls in on the night
Streams of white fly right by
A hole is opened between realms
The energies from kingdoms helms
Mixing and twining in dreams
Nothing is what it seems
A waking dream, and sleeping wake
There is magic at play
The fog awakes

Observer

Life is an intresting thing to observe, and attempt to take yourself outside of your own perspective, and view it through anothers...politics, religion, spirtuality, lifestyles, choices, emotions, being. The state of BEING. What is this layer, what is it for. Perhaps this "God" person is simply anyone, or anything. Perhaps 'God' tricked itself into forgetting God is God, and fragmented into universes dimensions people animals rocks stars. Creation of evreything simply possibly could have come from God asking itself:

"Can God microwave itself a burrito so hot that God cannot eat it?"

Quirky

Thoughts are hard to capture, there is so many of them, and sadly all the good ones are burried in ho-hum boring thoughts of existance. I hear them all, and so many are dull, but once in a while I catch a good one. "I" would like to think that this is a good one, but honestly, it probably isnt. Looking for the diamonds in the rough, its not as easy as I sometimes feel. There is static noise all around me with thoughts:
"What am I going to eat for dinner?"
"Probably Mexican food again"
~
"Tomarrow is friday!"
"so what, its another meaningless day"
"Something is only meaningless if you deam it meaningless"
"I disagree, while it may have a purpose that is nessasary, the whole act is quite trival and dull"
"So then perhaps it should end"
"I agree.. and that will come for all"
"You guys make me laugh"

Destination

How many lies will be told?
How many deaths will they behold?
When will this society take its toll?
Complicated Designed, Maligned with unDevine
Curious characteristics
Simply tricky risks
Leading us to the polls
Deaths on our heads fortold
Leaders uncaring
People disparing
Both sides a lie did be told
Both sides the death will behold
Many people will die
They will be engulfed by the eye
One day their destruction will come
By there own will it causes it to be done
Will there be any left
Will there be some to represent?
Hopefully it will grow
Our fate is currently unknown
Is this the last chance, to achieve our greatest past
Or will we come when all is said and done
To rebuild society the way it was meant to be run

R-EVOLUTION

R EVOLUTION

The evolution has come, but its sad, it has to come by Revolution.

All you need to ask is....

Why?

STRUGGLE

The human struggle, unique, and defining. Why do we need something to struggle with? Be it our jobs, family, politics, war, peace, etc... It defines who we are, without our struggle, what would there be? If everything was perfect, and there was no struggle for anything, it would mean we are complete. Learning, and growth is not complete, we continue to grow, over and over again. Learning new aspects of ourselves, and the universe. Our struggle defines that. Even the most peacefull happy people in the world, must struggle for something. Maybe to create their life. Struggle lets us know we are alive. If you are struggleing with something, think about why...

The struggle for humanity continues.

FEAR

FEAR: An Intresting concept.
How to understand what fear is exactly, how to word such an experience... Is it caused by insecurities? Self preservation? A weakness? Fear is funny, it can be used to motivate people, and it can be used to control people. I love enducing fear into others, to see their reactions... some people curl up, and shrink back. Others grow big and strong to confront it, and still yet, others laugh as a coping mechinism. Fear can make someone infinitly strong, and powerfull, or it can make them infinitly weak, and submissive.

IAM

What is the purpose, what is I AM, why would anyone care? I AM is me, its you, everything, nothing, its the universe. These are thoughts of conscience. The existance of the universe, a view, perspective if you will, of all. The tendancy of my conscience to exist as an extension of the universe.

Without this perspective, the universe does not exist, and without the universe this perspective does not exist. Intimatly tied together.

What will I discuss here? Everything, anything, nothing.

Simply,
I AM